Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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