Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
