if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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