There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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