Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize