3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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