Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
