Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize