Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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