hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
