She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
someone threw a dead crab at me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
