I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
