Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
