hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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