The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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