His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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