i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He felt like a one man threesome
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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