Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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