He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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