Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
