watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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