i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
