He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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