Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
