How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
