So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
