my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize