the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
