Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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