FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
