His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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