WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
