my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Boobs speak an international language.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
