Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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