it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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