The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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