omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
