I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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