Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize