I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
one might say we're banned from that church
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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