ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
