my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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