are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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