On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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