I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
