"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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