I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
