He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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