the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
