I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
