New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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