did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize