i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
