She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
