I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize