BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
