You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
