he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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