when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
