I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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