Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
