And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
