From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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