This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
