So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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