your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
