he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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