Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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