I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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