We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Someone came in the potted fern
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
