In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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