Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
