I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
