It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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