last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm always down for nudity.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
