the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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