I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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