I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
how do you play pong handcuffed?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize