I wish I could teleport
she smelled like a LAN party
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
