dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
