Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
