Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
