i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
