my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
