Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
