found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
