So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
