matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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