You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
