Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
