Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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