I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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