Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
